I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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