Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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