He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
50% drunk capacity currently
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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