im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
