I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
