how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
