You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize