dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
