After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
