i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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