Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
