i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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