Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
