my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
