:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
