The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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