You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
