dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
