Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize