If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you would pick up someone in the library
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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