never play flip cup with pint glasses
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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