yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
