Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
