we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
