New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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