My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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