you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
