I smell stomach acid.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I love you. Go after that dick
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
