I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
