you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
did i walk over a car last night?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
