When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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