You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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