tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
