yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
