I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
