I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
