HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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