my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
