i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My ATM looks so different sober.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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