My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
