Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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