just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize