I never want to see another naked old woman again.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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