it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
