FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
