once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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