What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
