my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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