Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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