doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
