After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
