Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
