I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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