I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I have fence marks all over my body
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
