I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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