If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
