Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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