do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
