Yo dont text me then not text me
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
