I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize