When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
