Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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