Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
