I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
