I didn't shave. On purpose
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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