im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
