Its about making memories worth repressing
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
