Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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