She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
This is my gift to your gina
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
