did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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