I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
