Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
