Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My feet surprised me
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