I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
