Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
