She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
