Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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