Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
