Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
