Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My pussy is not your playground.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize