I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
