No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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