Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
